Alarm goes on and on....
Time is limited...
No tea no honey, I brush my teeth and up on my yoga mat. My body exhausted with the hours that I do. I'm confused to go on or not....
I was cheeky today, as I needed to go to work, I cut dynamic.
Breathing was through sleep but I finished....its very hard I tried to be there but even not that deep breathing was taking me away.
Oh catharsis, I'm still asleep and nothing going out, a bit of shaking and silent sitting and I switch to Hoo Hoo Hoo and I jump with my totality and my body wakes up for some moment I'm not there just the body who jumps....STOP and I sit in silence...I'm driven away somewhere...I come back and I start dancing to the day that comes my way....
Today I was on the edge to drop all this idea of 40days and meditate time to time...but there is nothing in life more than meditation that gives me bliss and silence...keep on!!!
Meditation rocks!
Jai Osho!
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Day 20
Who said that you have to love meditation? Especially dynamic... Rrrrrr
Right from the last night some kind of hate was coming up from me during 3 hours dance meditation including Osho techniques, no don't take me wrong I love Osho techniques but pure Osho...well I did enjoyed couple of time this experiment but last night my mind was super active! Anyway got home late, didn't even finished the post.
6.30am alarm is waking me up! Oh I hate weekends! Late sleep early morning!!! I'm in bed till 7am but then I get up and go...
Breathing stage emm on and off hard hard still sleeping.
Catharsis the same story. Very quite.
My favourite Hoo and I jump without my body deep asleep...not for long tho...than I just set down and listened the music Hoo...
I'm upset I'm angry with myself! Grrr...
Had delicious breakfast and on my way to work. Just by analysing or looking back on this experience, yesterday I was reading Osho in search of miraculous where he is saying that people are scared to meet God and that kundalini energy will arise only when we use all life energy or throw it out and importance of being TOTAL in meditation. And I'm not total at all. Yes sometimes it comes naturally but not always. But his words make different meaning, sharing this with my friend he went completely total last night, and hi was just like a light bulb after it... And I completely in the mind. Well in the other book Osho said to respect awareness and un awareness. Oh but its hard, as nothing matters apart from meditation but mind is very stubborn....
Right from the last night some kind of hate was coming up from me during 3 hours dance meditation including Osho techniques, no don't take me wrong I love Osho techniques but pure Osho...well I did enjoyed couple of time this experiment but last night my mind was super active! Anyway got home late, didn't even finished the post.
6.30am alarm is waking me up! Oh I hate weekends! Late sleep early morning!!! I'm in bed till 7am but then I get up and go...
Breathing stage emm on and off hard hard still sleeping.
Catharsis the same story. Very quite.
My favourite Hoo and I jump without my body deep asleep...not for long tho...than I just set down and listened the music Hoo...
I'm upset I'm angry with myself! Grrr...
Had delicious breakfast and on my way to work. Just by analysing or looking back on this experience, yesterday I was reading Osho in search of miraculous where he is saying that people are scared to meet God and that kundalini energy will arise only when we use all life energy or throw it out and importance of being TOTAL in meditation. And I'm not total at all. Yes sometimes it comes naturally but not always. But his words make different meaning, sharing this with my friend he went completely total last night, and hi was just like a light bulb after it... And I completely in the mind. Well in the other book Osho said to respect awareness and un awareness. Oh but its hard, as nothing matters apart from meditation but mind is very stubborn....
Saturday, 17 October 2009
Day 19
5am and I'm up. Put my robe...its so dark outside, I feel sleepy... Lemon tea, honey all the same routine.
Breathing....in and out in the darkness of this morning, in and out faster and faster..but still I am a sleep.
I'm in my bed already, it was a long day ... So I will add tomorrow what's left...
Breathing....in and out in the darkness of this morning, in and out faster and faster..but still I am a sleep.
I'm in my bed already, it was a long day ... So I will add tomorrow what's left...
Friday, 16 October 2009
Day 18
Dynamic dynamic
What a fantastic morning!!! Well yeah I tried to wake up for half an hour and I was in my bad lazy like a cat...and then I finally stand up!
Lemon honey all is there... Yesterday I put everything on cd so I don't need a pc...
So much energy I feel this morning so much happiness, I'm flying around the house.
Time to start.
Breathing breathing in and out
Thoughs are flying that and that
But I still enjoy my flight
Flying high, flying high :)))
My soul is singing today in the grace of master.
Catharsis was funny today. At the beginning anger pillows fly some shaking...than some faces started coming up some strange silent laugh he he was funny witnessing this, than as usual all stopped and I'm like a tree under the wind.
Hoo Hoo Hoo my hands are raised to the sky my feet don't touch the ground. I'm jumping jumping high and high. Then I just jump on my heals and energy starts flowing up and up. Next moment and I'm not there its amazing experience when you feel just energy coming out with sound Hoo like a straw I am.
STOP! Oh what a bliss!!! No language can describe this feeling or this state no words I can find just silence in me. My heart chakra is hot I feel like energy coming out of it. Some moments past I can hear around me world are waking up and my body just stand there in the middle of the room blissful with energy and love. Than suddenly something was failing down from the sound floor, and there was a sound like a wall or something.... Well I stayed freeze as ice-sculpture...
And them my old friend by name Mind came again, and started own monologue....
Then music flown me away.... all my body was filled with love and grace... I feel so happy and full of energy for the rest of the day! It is a great pleasure to meditate and taking it through the day meditation in each moment of the life!
Life is beautiful!
Jai Osho!
What a fantastic morning!!! Well yeah I tried to wake up for half an hour and I was in my bad lazy like a cat...and then I finally stand up!
Lemon honey all is there... Yesterday I put everything on cd so I don't need a pc...
So much energy I feel this morning so much happiness, I'm flying around the house.
Time to start.
Breathing breathing in and out
Thoughs are flying that and that
But I still enjoy my flight
Flying high, flying high :)))
My soul is singing today in the grace of master.
Catharsis was funny today. At the beginning anger pillows fly some shaking...than some faces started coming up some strange silent laugh he he was funny witnessing this, than as usual all stopped and I'm like a tree under the wind.
Hoo Hoo Hoo my hands are raised to the sky my feet don't touch the ground. I'm jumping jumping high and high. Then I just jump on my heals and energy starts flowing up and up. Next moment and I'm not there its amazing experience when you feel just energy coming out with sound Hoo like a straw I am.
STOP! Oh what a bliss!!! No language can describe this feeling or this state no words I can find just silence in me. My heart chakra is hot I feel like energy coming out of it. Some moments past I can hear around me world are waking up and my body just stand there in the middle of the room blissful with energy and love. Than suddenly something was failing down from the sound floor, and there was a sound like a wall or something.... Well I stayed freeze as ice-sculpture...
And them my old friend by name Mind came again, and started own monologue....
Then music flown me away.... all my body was filled with love and grace... I feel so happy and full of energy for the rest of the day! It is a great pleasure to meditate and taking it through the day meditation in each moment of the life!
Life is beautiful!
Jai Osho!
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Day 17
Early morning, alarm is going ringing again and again.
Dreams are fading away morning knock on the door.
Lemon tea, honey all as usual.... I get so use to it.... My small routine.....
Gatchami prayer .... silent drops on my mind.....
His divine voice is guiding e through out the first stage, breath in, breath out, outside is still dark inside is already lighted candle of love...... Breathing taking me away, and taking me back to myself. Back and forwards I am in between....
Catharsis, well its something that not gong here, it is hard, it is quite, I'm just there.... pilows have rest today, well just a little bit. And then... I don't remember.... I am writing again in the evening, so I don't remember what was happening in that stage, I think I was just flowing from one side to another...
Hoo Hoo Hoo I just jump, jump, my heals touch the ground and something raising up, I forget myself in this stage, I feel so much bliss, I am no more here.... I love this stage and I just disappear in it, what I can not say about first two. And I jump and jump...
STOP! And I stop, someone in the kitchen noisy, cars and buses busy outside, sun is slowly rising in the sky. And here my mind comes to the scene:
Oh my God, enough!
its too much,
what the f**ck?
too long today, lets switch to the next track.
oh no, its hurting everywhere. Common!!!!!
Ahahahahha I was resisting not to laugh. But it continued in the same way for quite a while. Than few moments of silence, and music start to celebrate! Celebrate new day, new life! I notice that dance becoming deeper and deeper each time, and more grace in movements, I love it! I just Love!
Today is Thursday and my first meditation group will be at 5pm .
It went fantastic! Thank you to all who came! Hope to see you next time! To share, to love, to meditate!
Jai Osho
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Day 16
Today as I start late work I alow myself to sleep a bit longer.
Maroon robe is on, tea is lemony and sweet honey as usual...
Breath breath it was usual nothing special...sometimes I stopped...then it was deep breathing and then I got back to my mind...so interesting... Catharsis started my pillows were hit and jumped on them...some desperateness was there, then I stood up and was shaking around my yoga mat rearing like a dragon...quite dragon :) then I started to come down like suddenly I have been shaken by something it was taking me away I started to loose control screams were coming out of me it was happening for some moments, but my mind made me come back as I was scared if I loose absolute control, well I was worried about my flatmates.
Then was Hoo Hoo Hoo and I was jumping one moment bliss one moment mind. My body was completely against this stage almost at the end I almost sit down, but then something inside me throw me on the mat and with more energy I restarted.
STOP! And silence started pouring down on me...and for some moment was all quite but then the mind started to chat, I amazed how this machine never tired, and on such a ordinary things like oh this and that I need to write on the blog, I have to do this. All the time its in the future... Come back come back I tell myself and I come back to the centre. Then mind try tricks to sit down, but I'm like a tree I can't move I just stand. So I stand and than body could not resist anymore and u had to go to the rest room. I came back and flown to the dance...to the celebration. To the new day....
Some strange thing urged inside me, that I need an evening meditation too, I felt need of it this morning. To complete the day. I think I will start Gaurishenkar in the evening.
Also after pain in my heart and third eye chakra, I feel headache almost every day, well actually 2nd day in a row and heart chakra is very sensitive.
Another thing that happening that from the day I started to do dynamic everyday my manager just an angel with me, she was stressed a lot, but now seems all is good with her, but this is completely another story.
Maroon robe is on, tea is lemony and sweet honey as usual...
Breath breath it was usual nothing special...sometimes I stopped...then it was deep breathing and then I got back to my mind...so interesting... Catharsis started my pillows were hit and jumped on them...some desperateness was there, then I stood up and was shaking around my yoga mat rearing like a dragon...quite dragon :) then I started to come down like suddenly I have been shaken by something it was taking me away I started to loose control screams were coming out of me it was happening for some moments, but my mind made me come back as I was scared if I loose absolute control, well I was worried about my flatmates.
Then was Hoo Hoo Hoo and I was jumping one moment bliss one moment mind. My body was completely against this stage almost at the end I almost sit down, but then something inside me throw me on the mat and with more energy I restarted.
STOP! And silence started pouring down on me...and for some moment was all quite but then the mind started to chat, I amazed how this machine never tired, and on such a ordinary things like oh this and that I need to write on the blog, I have to do this. All the time its in the future... Come back come back I tell myself and I come back to the centre. Then mind try tricks to sit down, but I'm like a tree I can't move I just stand. So I stand and than body could not resist anymore and u had to go to the rest room. I came back and flown to the dance...to the celebration. To the new day....
Some strange thing urged inside me, that I need an evening meditation too, I felt need of it this morning. To complete the day. I think I will start Gaurishenkar in the evening.
Also after pain in my heart and third eye chakra, I feel headache almost every day, well actually 2nd day in a row and heart chakra is very sensitive.
Another thing that happening that from the day I started to do dynamic everyday my manager just an angel with me, she was stressed a lot, but now seems all is good with her, but this is completely another story.
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Day 15
Its 6am again so early, I woke up and go downstairs.
Its so dark outside.... hot lemon tea in my hand, noise of working pc....
Half asleep I start to breath, his voice like arrow in my mind! Breath in breath out.... oh i getting sleepy again.... breath breath.... and its takes me away....
Actually I do remember only half of this morning meditation, as I am writing in the night. Usually I write on my way to work when all is fresh... hm... bad idea write it in the eve. But I will tell you what I remember, it will be a bit short, but I will try!
Catharsis, at first some devilish emotions were coming out, jumps and screams... and then again all suddenly stopped. I sat down on my knees and was going back and forward, then I remember to bow down... and hysteric cry without any tears was going out of me.... then like a snakes was coming out of my mouth...bueah what a terrible experience,... than i lie down on my belly and they (snakes) were still coming up, then I just stayed sited on my knees.
HOO HOO HOO the sun was rising, my body was jumping, hoo hoo hoo and takes me away.
the more i do the more i love this stage. time passed so quicly. hoo hoo hoo and some joy dropped on my, like xtc.
STOP! and everything stops.... and my min as well... i cant believe that i slept.....in this stage...... again, it was more than me. i couldn't resist, or it wasn't me. i was somewhere else when my body was already on the floor.....
And than I danced! oh that dance in the morning! like nothing else can get you back to world of miraculous! And dance through the day.
And in fact, my day was like a dance through out!!! What a bliss!!!
Jai Osho!
Monday, 12 October 2009
Day 14
Fresh and full of energy! Out of bed about 7.30am (maybe a bit late but good for me)
Pc is working, honey melting, sun is shining! What a great day.
Osho voice giving me direction in hindi and I start breathing. Faster faster its takes me away...his voice talking to my heart, today falling in the first stage was quite easy and pleasant.
Catharsis mmmm screaming and shaking jumping around my yoga mat. I turn into little devil, dragon rearing. Oh I wish to scream in my full voice! But then suddenly all stops I just stand and wave like a tree under the wind from one side to another... Silence dropped on me, mind is so quite...so blissful on the background its catharsis music plays and I just stand. I noticed that its happening to me almost all the times, first moments its very powerful catharsis but then its stops and I can't do anything to continue but I enjoy this silence its so sweet...thoughts are running on the minimal speed.
Hoo hoo hoo at the begining was difficult to become active but then its took me away completely. I'm trying to find words...I was not there..it was just hoo hoo hoo my heals were touching the ground and something was coming up (energy) at some moment I didn't feel my body, its just like a stream was taking me up and up.
STOP oh my!!! I can't explain, no words will explain...they will be irrelevant to that experience. When I was jumping the energy was going like by steps very harsh but now it was flowing up by the spine and wanted to reach the top. Silence and feeling of this energy was amazing. Like cooling down breeze from ocean on the hot day. Then I felt pain in my heart chakra and third eye chakra it was for a while but the pain was not so intense. Strange but I would say it was gentle pain. I stood there like a tree...sun was shining from my window and mind was silent, well not for long this happiness was happening...slowly my mind started to take a speed with thoughts, I don't remember what it was about, but very ordinary I found them funny.
Then music started and I was flowing into the new day, fresh and grateful that I'm here and now.
After that I had a breakfast, and I don't know why but all day was feeling very sensitive and I could be apset or angry very easily ... I am a bit concern about it....
Closer to the end of the day I started to have headache and pain between the eyebrows...
Also I noticed that if I sleep enough than meditation gets easier to fall in.
So today I am going sleep earlier!
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Day 13
Again in bed only by midnight..blessed with amazing voice of Sudha... I slept a bit more but still not enough...
Breathing breathing I think I'm getting bored with my routine as usual like with other things, well on 13 day its kind of a record for me! :))) but I still continue to breath. Catharsis? Emmm it was just a bit of it but not that much nothing seems to come out of me. I'm silent like a flower today. I sit silently and only echo of screams coming out sometimes.
Hoo Hoo Hoo and I'm jumping around hoo hoo hoo oh what a pleasure the energy is waking me up. STOP and I freeze for a moment not a single thought...and then like a snake from the back of my mind: oh you are so tired, let's sit down and enjoy the silence.
NO! But its goes on: its morning and u are (exosted)
No no no I insist...but its more stronger than me...
I sit and mind go on sleeping..... How to deal with this??? Failed again...
Celebration is my religion I slowly flow in the early morning...
Breathing breathing I think I'm getting bored with my routine as usual like with other things, well on 13 day its kind of a record for me! :))) but I still continue to breath. Catharsis? Emmm it was just a bit of it but not that much nothing seems to come out of me. I'm silent like a flower today. I sit silently and only echo of screams coming out sometimes.
Hoo Hoo Hoo and I'm jumping around hoo hoo hoo oh what a pleasure the energy is waking me up. STOP and I freeze for a moment not a single thought...and then like a snake from the back of my mind: oh you are so tired, let's sit down and enjoy the silence.
NO! But its goes on: its morning and u are (exosted)
No no no I insist...but its more stronger than me...
I sit and mind go on sleeping..... How to deal with this??? Failed again...
Celebration is my religion I slowly flow in the early morning...
Saturday, 10 October 2009
Day 12
Well what can I say...5.30am is it a bit early? Emm I think so but work starts too early today 7.30 out of house so me out of bed 5.45am...I probably still asleep.
Cattle on...lemon...pc...positive....
Breathe breathe !!! Interesting but mind is so quite today...but still the breathing was sleepy...
Catharsis grrrrrrrrr pillows! Screams coming out of me...its like the beast came back. Something very dark coming out of me, and then suddenly its stops, I bow down, and slight hysteric starts, but without tears...than all this stops completely and I just sit and watch.
Hoo hoo hoo I'm distracted by something...hoo hoo I stop its so hard to jump today, but still jump, another jump. And then its like on my right side in the corner I feel that someone there, I freak out. I can't continue, stopped for a moment, and then like something lift me up HOO HOO HOO I feel it very close to me, just behind me. Fear coming to my mind, I try to relax but its more than me. Another moment and I'm siting silently...
I have no idea what was that, I feel the presence in my room sometimes when I do evening meditation gaurishenkar, I got use to it. But then when u desire to see someone (in my case Osho and Arun Swami) and something like that happening you freak out, or maybe just me? Maybe I'm not ready for it? When I write this I desire that its happen now, but when it happening in meditations fear like a wave taking me away. Or its just my imagination? Who knows....
Silent stage as I was sitting passed quickly and maybe I even fell asleep. I think I need to sleep more than 5hours...
Today is 3 years from my father death. That's who I think was standing behind me this morning. This came to me only late at night. Have been on the concert of Sudha it was absolutely amazing!
Cattle on...lemon...pc...positive....
Breathe breathe !!! Interesting but mind is so quite today...but still the breathing was sleepy...
Catharsis grrrrrrrrr pillows! Screams coming out of me...its like the beast came back. Something very dark coming out of me, and then suddenly its stops, I bow down, and slight hysteric starts, but without tears...than all this stops completely and I just sit and watch.
Hoo hoo hoo I'm distracted by something...hoo hoo I stop its so hard to jump today, but still jump, another jump. And then its like on my right side in the corner I feel that someone there, I freak out. I can't continue, stopped for a moment, and then like something lift me up HOO HOO HOO I feel it very close to me, just behind me. Fear coming to my mind, I try to relax but its more than me. Another moment and I'm siting silently...
I have no idea what was that, I feel the presence in my room sometimes when I do evening meditation gaurishenkar, I got use to it. But then when u desire to see someone (in my case Osho and Arun Swami) and something like that happening you freak out, or maybe just me? Maybe I'm not ready for it? When I write this I desire that its happen now, but when it happening in meditations fear like a wave taking me away. Or its just my imagination? Who knows....
Silent stage as I was sitting passed quickly and maybe I even fell asleep. I think I need to sleep more than 5hours...
Today is 3 years from my father death. That's who I think was standing behind me this morning. This came to me only late at night. Have been on the concert of Sudha it was absolutely amazing!
Friday, 9 October 2009
Day 11
Uffa I don't know even how to explain this morning experience, like a deep unconscious sleep. Breathing was laaaazy I even stop for a moment, set down, but then something pull me back on my yoga mat.
Catharsis? No, thank you, not today. Pillows were having day off today :))) and my flatmates too... There was some shaking...silent shouting...but mostly calming wondering around my room.
Hoo Hoo Hoo jumping? Not for now, not this morning. He he its not dynamic morning today, but I insisted to move at least and hoo hoo hoo, I gave up at one point and sat down, STOP and I freeze like a stone...some kind of sleep covered me...than I woke up again...I didn't felt my legs I didn't felt anything at all....first sound of blissful music... My body started to flow in the for of London morning... hands are flying in the air....
Its 9.30 its grey and cold outside. I'm so calm today and lazy oh its good to have day off....
Excited about evening as one of my friends coming to do Gaurishenkar meditation in the evening!
Oh God, hope not too late as tomorrow Dynamic should start at 5.30am!!!!
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Day 10
Late night, early morning. It's 6am, and it feel like I just went to sleep an hour ago, its so dark outside. I don't understand anything at all. I put my maroon robe. Cattle on, PC is making noise, lemon in the water, spoon of honey in my mouth.
I have a bad habit, as I turn my pc on, I automatically check my facebook.... addicted....
Anyway, Music on, lights off.
Today for a change, Dynamic without Osho voice. Breath in - Breath out. What a pleasure. Faster, faster, faster its takes me away, but I try to be just a witness of it... this 15 minutes past like 5, and than catharsis! pillows were attacked, some kind of tears on my cheeks......and I feel like something coming out of me, like dragon fire, but very quite. The fire going out from the core of y heart. Its painful its unpleasant but its goin out and out... jumps around...rearing like a tiger... oups some people are still sleeping in the house, who cares!!! another moment ....
HOO HOO HOO my feet just like springs, hands up and Hoo hoo hoo and I cant stop. I jump and jump and jump. its strange thing that when I have done Dynamic for the first time I hated this stage, I liked breathing and catharsis but not hoo, now I love it! absolutely favorite (for now). At some point my hands went down, I slow down, but then like a new wave of energy just lifted my up. My hands raised in to the air and suddenly I felt like a ticklish, electric run into my palms. I freaked out, but I continued jumping, its happened again, and again, so pleasant and unusual, I like it.
STOP! And here happened something amazing! As I start early and outside it was still dark, by the end of Hoo stage the sun comes up, and when STOP happened the room was full of sunlight! ..... echo of the thoughts somewhere, chattering quietly....and my just looking at it from the hill.....
And celebrate and celebrate, dancing in the first light of the sun in the morning....my hands in namaste....my hands are flying in the air..... dance and celebrate! Its something amazing.
Thank you Osho.
One thing I understood this morning, that the earlier start the better, the easier to go deeper and feel joy!
Jai Osho!
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
Day 9
This morning, what can i say, I woke up an hour later than I wanted to, but I was in a sweet unconscious dream like in under warm warm blanket in the middle of the winter. Ok enough about dreams, back to reality.
Lazy, lazy, lazy I got up; people around started to have breakfast. I needed to do a call for my mum.
Tea. Honey. PC. As usual routine in the morning...
But Everyday new experience...Not everyday we feel the bliss, and meditation can't be the same as yesterday (words of my dear friend Lera) ...that what's happens to me this morning.
Ha! It was I could say lazy Dynamic. Breathing was not that deep and different, as the same was catharsis, or there was not catharsis, just a little bit, something like catharsis....Hoo Hoo Hoo I thought I fall a sleep.... few jumps but nothing to compare usual energetic flying around the room... It was never ending silence, and waves of thoughts, I thought that I just woke up, from where are they coming? Have no idea! And than lazy celebration... I could not move at all....
After meditation I suddenly felt sadness at the core of my heart.... I spoke to my friend, and share my morning experience, and she said there is no dimension of meditation, one day is completely different. I had my shower, my extremely tasty breakfast and I went to work, with just temporariness in my mind and in my heart. Everything changes, and everything goes on.
Be in the present moment... That's what I do.
Lazy, lazy, lazy I got up; people around started to have breakfast. I needed to do a call for my mum.
Tea. Honey. PC. As usual routine in the morning...
But Everyday new experience...Not everyday we feel the bliss, and meditation can't be the same as yesterday (words of my dear friend Lera) ...that what's happens to me this morning.
Ha! It was I could say lazy Dynamic. Breathing was not that deep and different, as the same was catharsis, or there was not catharsis, just a little bit, something like catharsis....Hoo Hoo Hoo I thought I fall a sleep.... few jumps but nothing to compare usual energetic flying around the room... It was never ending silence, and waves of thoughts, I thought that I just woke up, from where are they coming? Have no idea! And than lazy celebration... I could not move at all....
After meditation I suddenly felt sadness at the core of my heart.... I spoke to my friend, and share my morning experience, and she said there is no dimension of meditation, one day is completely different. I had my shower, my extremely tasty breakfast and I went to work, with just temporariness in my mind and in my heart. Everything changes, and everything goes on.
Be in the present moment... That's what I do.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Day 8
This morning my alarm went 6am...I woke up! I can't believe that I got up from my bed without any struggles.
My tea was waiting for me, my pc was busy noising to be ready to start my dynamic.... And than! Gatchamy prayer I bow down, Osho, I open myself for him, I bow down again, and only he is on my mind.
His voice deep as ocean start to talk, pure pure (I wish I would know what does that mean, I think its breath out) I started my breathing and in that moment my mind screamed: I don't want to do it!!! Excuses started to follow...breathing was really hard, mind was there, but then suddenly it went away and left me in peace. Then I felt a presence of someone in the room...I sometimes feel it when I do Gaurishenkar meditation in the evening, but never in the morning.... Anyway it was nice and weird at the same time.
Last night I red that one not should be carry out with breathing and always be witness. So I stayed alert. The first stage was I would say not that easy and I didn't though catharsis will be deep. But no, catharsis was deep pillows were attacked, ugliness of core of the soul was coming out... Sometimes I think that I would never want to see me in catharsis. Its strange but with me catharsis never last all the time of the music, like a tiger in the cage I'm moving on my yoga mat from one side to another, rearing like an animal... Its even hard to write it how I feel.
Hoo Hoo Hoo (I find out that is the right way to spell it) my hands is up and I am jumping like a crazy, my feet are not touchng the ground, the hammer goes deeper and deeper. After a while I cant jumping anymore, but still my feet do not let me stay still and my hills are banging the floor. Hoo Hoo Hoo
STOP!
Oh that bliss of silence in the first moments...the sweat on the back, little drops are sliding down.
Freeze like stone, breath in breath out nothing else can be important in this very moment, HA! but no! I start sneesing!!! Once, still no movements, second,third, I gave up.... I took the tissue paper and start sneesing....Mind is your enemy, remember this words one of the quotes of Osho, well what can I do here, I set down silently, and I think I fall a sleep or maybe not, the time past so quick, when I heard first moments of celebration I was amazed how quick it was.
I start to move very slow....then a bt more faster....then on my face come up the smile of joy... shower of energy was pouring down on me ....I danced with my Master with Excistence!!!
Celebrate! With music and dance express whatsoever is there. Carry your aliveness with you throughout the day Osho
This was for real true, the day went fantasticly amazing.... was dancing at work.... and all was just fantastic!
My tea was waiting for me, my pc was busy noising to be ready to start my dynamic.... And than! Gatchamy prayer I bow down, Osho, I open myself for him, I bow down again, and only he is on my mind.
His voice deep as ocean start to talk, pure pure (I wish I would know what does that mean, I think its breath out) I started my breathing and in that moment my mind screamed: I don't want to do it!!! Excuses started to follow...breathing was really hard, mind was there, but then suddenly it went away and left me in peace. Then I felt a presence of someone in the room...I sometimes feel it when I do Gaurishenkar meditation in the evening, but never in the morning.... Anyway it was nice and weird at the same time.
Last night I red that one not should be carry out with breathing and always be witness. So I stayed alert. The first stage was I would say not that easy and I didn't though catharsis will be deep. But no, catharsis was deep pillows were attacked, ugliness of core of the soul was coming out... Sometimes I think that I would never want to see me in catharsis. Its strange but with me catharsis never last all the time of the music, like a tiger in the cage I'm moving on my yoga mat from one side to another, rearing like an animal... Its even hard to write it how I feel.
Hoo Hoo Hoo (I find out that is the right way to spell it) my hands is up and I am jumping like a crazy, my feet are not touchng the ground, the hammer goes deeper and deeper. After a while I cant jumping anymore, but still my feet do not let me stay still and my hills are banging the floor. Hoo Hoo Hoo
STOP!
Oh that bliss of silence in the first moments...the sweat on the back, little drops are sliding down.
Freeze like stone, breath in breath out nothing else can be important in this very moment, HA! but no! I start sneesing!!! Once, still no movements, second,third, I gave up.... I took the tissue paper and start sneesing....Mind is your enemy, remember this words one of the quotes of Osho, well what can I do here, I set down silently, and I think I fall a sleep or maybe not, the time past so quick, when I heard first moments of celebration I was amazed how quick it was.
I start to move very slow....then a bt more faster....then on my face come up the smile of joy... shower of energy was pouring down on me ....I danced with my Master with Excistence!!!
Celebrate! With music and dance express whatsoever is there. Carry your aliveness with you throughout the day
This was for real true, the day went fantasticly amazing.... was dancing at work.... and all was just fantastic!
Monday, 5 October 2009
Day 7
Alarm goes 7.15am, its raining outside. I turn my back and sleep another 10m and like this up to 8am, I cant wake up! even if last night i went to sleep not that late.... at 8.00 I stand up, brush my tooth. Cattle on. Lemon cut. (emm i think it will be repeating every morning). This lazy morning, that you want just to stay in bed, its grey outside, but something keeps me going.
This morning I put Dynamic music with Osho voice in hindi. And even it was a bit to hard to start, but then it just went on its own accord, the breath-out was so deep, the mind is almost disappear for a few moments,: puri puri, Osho said Osho said, his voice were in the air, I went deeper and deeper in breathing, I couldn't stand on one place, catharsis was coming out, tears and screams, but oups, i am in my home and all my flatmates are still sleeping. Anyway I keep breathing! And then! Oh, pillows got hurt this morning, so much! It was something devilish coming out of me.... like a beast, like a werewolf on the full moon... Tears were puring down the face, anger flying out of my mouth. Then I lost track what was happening, some silent moment.
Whoo Whoo Whoo its time to jump! Enter the third stage. Today was interesting, I was jumping for a while and then when I completely was off, i started to just jump on the hills, but not taking my feet from the ground, Oh God what an experience, making Whoo just when your hills with all force step on the ground. It felt like hammer, and the energy flows by the spine upper and upper.... another moments of jumping, but it is not that deep like I just explained, vast experience.
STOP! and everything around stops in a single moment, there are no sounds, no birds, even the cars and buses seems to stop, pure silence for a moment, another moment and everything apart from me started to move, and with such a big noise!!! Silence stage has past like a few moments.
Music start playing, celebration start coming, something magic is happening around, everything starts to wake up! I am dancing with existence! Flying like a bird high in the sky!
Usually I just sit for a moment or two, or finish a bit earlier than the last stage ends, but not today I lie down and relax my energy, and the wave of silence came to me... It was amazing.
Tomorrow will be a hard one as I start work early 9.30 its means waking up at 6am!
This morning I put Dynamic music with Osho voice in hindi. And even it was a bit to hard to start, but then it just went on its own accord, the breath-out was so deep, the mind is almost disappear for a few moments,: puri puri, Osho said Osho said, his voice were in the air, I went deeper and deeper in breathing, I couldn't stand on one place, catharsis was coming out, tears and screams, but oups, i am in my home and all my flatmates are still sleeping. Anyway I keep breathing! And then! Oh, pillows got hurt this morning, so much! It was something devilish coming out of me.... like a beast, like a werewolf on the full moon... Tears were puring down the face, anger flying out of my mouth. Then I lost track what was happening, some silent moment.
Whoo Whoo Whoo its time to jump! Enter the third stage. Today was interesting, I was jumping for a while and then when I completely was off, i started to just jump on the hills, but not taking my feet from the ground, Oh God what an experience, making Whoo just when your hills with all force step on the ground. It felt like hammer, and the energy flows by the spine upper and upper.... another moments of jumping, but it is not that deep like I just explained, vast experience.
STOP! and everything around stops in a single moment, there are no sounds, no birds, even the cars and buses seems to stop, pure silence for a moment, another moment and everything apart from me started to move, and with such a big noise!!! Silence stage has past like a few moments.
Music start playing, celebration start coming, something magic is happening around, everything starts to wake up! I am dancing with existence! Flying like a bird high in the sky!
Usually I just sit for a moment or two, or finish a bit earlier than the last stage ends, but not today I lie down and relax my energy, and the wave of silence came to me... It was amazing.
Tomorrow will be a hard one as I start work early 9.30 its means waking up at 6am!
Sunday, 4 October 2009
My Daily Meditation, Dynamic 40 days continously!! Day 6
Oh Dynamic meditation, one of the most popular and favorite Osho meditation. But also one of the most powerful meditation. I cannot say that I haven't meditate, but my mind always avoided Dynamic meditation, it was too loud for my flatmates and I thought they would kill me :)
But now already for 6 days I do Dynamic meditation every morning, its like someone pull me out from the bed and I go and do it. It is a nice feeling. One of my friend during Satsang told me that if I want transformation i should carry on for 40 days.... Then another friend said for 90 :)
So here I am, decided to share my feelings and my way, my transformation (hahaha for next generation). It is a personal experience and experiment.
As I mentioned I have been doing Dynamic for 6 day, and it was amazing, lots of energy, pouring love from every corner until yesterday morning. My mind was active more that other days during the meditation, but I was carry on with meditation. The day went fantastic, work is finished, home-dinner-pc, i got stuck at the last one for quite a while, till 1am... but sometimes its like you have glue on your fingers.
7am, alarm goes on, oh nooo, again another day, I am in my sweetest early morning dreams, again alarm, another 15 minutes, another 10 and then its half past 7.
Finally I got up.
Got downstairs already in my maroon robe. Cattle on. Lemon cut. Honey spoon. PC on (it is my source of sound system). Gatchami Prayer before dynamic takes me deep in silence....
Another moment and 1 stage has started... puri puri... but its hard, even harder that yesterday to breath chaotically... harder and harder, but I still breathing, my mind like giving manifestation!
So alert! and its goes: why? why me? why cant I just sleep on Saturday morning like other people? why this meditation? I hate it!!!
struggles a little bit longer, uffa 1 stage is over, catharsis! few beats on pillows, that's it? going back and forward, nothing happen, my mind here and now, oh God! its never tired! Some shaking helping to let go. Bliss of silence, I am on my knees, nothing there, just only music...... Then mind comes on stage! running runnig..oh i wish I have a big button "OFF"!!!
Whoo Whoo Whoo my feet are not touching the ground, just only whoo whoo, but I can see the difference, its like on the half speed, half hearted, and I don't understand why, but going whoo whoo whoo, and finally the silent stage, the bliss of silence drops on my head, I stand in the middle of my sitting room (I use it for meditation) the sun is shining outside, the mind is calm, the thoughts are not that much. A moment of peace in my head, but then again this battle, its just like dog, who never sleep, and running around house that you want to slap. It start his play.
mind: hey, its far too long this stage, lets just cut it.
me: freeze! don't move, just came back, come back.
This fraze became my favorite, with it I just come back to myself.
The music has started, I don't feel my toes, my hands are dry, i start to flow slowly to the morning, to the new day.
Well it was hard one. First week was easy for me, with a lot of energy and deep relaxation.
And now its like half half, I am not here but not there yet, maybe I am on the bridge....hope it will take me to my very being.
Apart from that, the day had been fantastic! Full of light and love, the work went quick, not stress at all, manager was nice (which is not that usual).
Lets see what will wait me tomorrow morning.
But now already for 6 days I do Dynamic meditation every morning, its like someone pull me out from the bed and I go and do it. It is a nice feeling. One of my friend during Satsang told me that if I want transformation i should carry on for 40 days.... Then another friend said for 90 :)
So here I am, decided to share my feelings and my way, my transformation (hahaha for next generation). It is a personal experience and experiment.
As I mentioned I have been doing Dynamic for 6 day, and it was amazing, lots of energy, pouring love from every corner until yesterday morning. My mind was active more that other days during the meditation, but I was carry on with meditation. The day went fantastic, work is finished, home-dinner-pc, i got stuck at the last one for quite a while, till 1am... but sometimes its like you have glue on your fingers.
7am, alarm goes on, oh nooo, again another day, I am in my sweetest early morning dreams, again alarm, another 15 minutes, another 10 and then its half past 7.
Finally I got up.
Got downstairs already in my maroon robe. Cattle on. Lemon cut. Honey spoon. PC on (it is my source of sound system). Gatchami Prayer before dynamic takes me deep in silence....
Another moment and 1 stage has started... puri puri... but its hard, even harder that yesterday to breath chaotically... harder and harder, but I still breathing, my mind like giving manifestation!
So alert! and its goes: why? why me? why cant I just sleep on Saturday morning like other people? why this meditation? I hate it!!!
struggles a little bit longer, uffa 1 stage is over, catharsis! few beats on pillows, that's it? going back and forward, nothing happen, my mind here and now, oh God! its never tired! Some shaking helping to let go. Bliss of silence, I am on my knees, nothing there, just only music...... Then mind comes on stage! running runnig..oh i wish I have a big button "OFF"!!!
Whoo Whoo Whoo my feet are not touching the ground, just only whoo whoo, but I can see the difference, its like on the half speed, half hearted, and I don't understand why, but going whoo whoo whoo, and finally the silent stage, the bliss of silence drops on my head, I stand in the middle of my sitting room (I use it for meditation) the sun is shining outside, the mind is calm, the thoughts are not that much. A moment of peace in my head, but then again this battle, its just like dog, who never sleep, and running around house that you want to slap. It start his play.
mind: hey, its far too long this stage, lets just cut it.
me: freeze! don't move, just came back, come back.
This fraze became my favorite, with it I just come back to myself.
The music has started, I don't feel my toes, my hands are dry, i start to flow slowly to the morning, to the new day.
Well it was hard one. First week was easy for me, with a lot of energy and deep relaxation.
And now its like half half, I am not here but not there yet, maybe I am on the bridge....hope it will take me to my very being.
Apart from that, the day had been fantastic! Full of light and love, the work went quick, not stress at all, manager was nice (which is not that usual).
Lets see what will wait me tomorrow morning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
